Being Defined by the Ninety Percent

7 Sep

20130907-083408.jpgI recently visited with some friends. Together we worked on a rather difficult puzzle. I was with them for three days, and two days we worked on the puzzle during breaks in sightseeing and eating! We finally got to the end of the puzzle, and I realized that one piece might be missing. When we finally finished putting all the pieces in the puzzle, I looked at the gaping hole (it was only one piece), and it was all I could see. It was a very disappointing feeling.

I think one of my greatest struggles in life is that I let the 10%, or the missing piece, define me. If I get something right 90% of the time, I don’t embrace that. Instead, if I make a mistake or do something wrong, I immediately define myself by that.

I recently lost a friendship that was very valuable to me. That was the ten percent. I have reflected on that failed friendship over and over believing sometimes that I’m unable to have healthy friendships. But the other people who are still in my life don’t see me the way I see myself or the way that my lost friend does.

I try to be the best employee I can. I try to treat people with respect and try to do the best job I can. But my fear of the ten percent causes me to have problems with my coworkers sometimes. Ninety percent of the time, I act and react with integrity, character, and respect. Recently, I’ve been having troubles responding to people. But it’s not often and it’s not frequent. Yet, I’m still focusing on the ten percent believing that it defines me as an employee.

I have not been handling my finances perfectly. My snowball has been on hold, and my envelope system has not been used to its full advantage. I’m not ninety percent yet, but I’m better than I was before. AND, I’m making a conscious effort to move toward the ninety percent. Recently, I decided to forego a trip to California to see some friends because my goal is to pay my car off before the end of the year. In the past, I would have bought the ticket and not worried about my goal. Not this time! That’s progress and is me moving closer to the ninety percent!

I want to believe that the ten percent should drive us to become better. We should all look at the ten percent and do our best to reduce it when we see an area where we are weak. Yet, I need to find a way to feel like I’m enough, even when the ten percent gets in the way. If I can grasp the fact that I don’t have to be perfect to be successful, happy, and healthy, then maybe I can truly let the ninety percent define me!

I think one way I can handle the ten percent is to rejoice in the ninety percent, and not just when I make a mistake. If I can go to bed each night and remind myself of what I did right and thank the Lord for helping me to stay in the ninety percent, it will reinforce my behavior and help me to remain in the ninety percent.

I’m afraid to live in the ten percent. I don’t even want to see the ten percent. I want to live 100% all the time, and it’s an unfair goal for me to have. No one is perfect, except the risen Son of God, Jesus Christ. My goal of perfection is an unattainable goal, one that leads me to feel frustrated and inferior. My God is a big God; can’t He make up for the ten percent? Why can’t I allow myself to be defined by the ninety percent?

How do you handle mistakes? How do you prevent yourself from being defined by them?


One Response to “Being Defined by the Ninety Percent”

  1. Lora @ my blessed life September 7, 2013 at 07:54 #

    Very good thoughts, Song! It’s awesome to hear you say you’re making progress and seeing some of your goals come to pass!

    (sorry about that missing piece!!)

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